Mamas are tired. I see it every week at moms group, every week with ABC Doula clients. (Daddies are tired too, but not usually as tired as mamas.)

And that old adage about ’sleep when the baby sleeps”? Doesn’t happen. We all say it, but few do it. Here’s my theory on why.

One of my moms group mamas illustrating just how tired new mamas can be.

When you sleep, there is no little magic elf that comes by and does all your chores (unless you have a postpartum doula!). So often moms are choosing chores over naps, which ends up as a bum trade off.

You see the chores never end. You only master laundry and dishes for a short period of time. Then they are back. And it doesn’t take long.

But nighttimes are hard with newborns. Frequent waking, eating, playtime or fussing throws us into utter exhaustion, and getting through the day can be difficult (although somehow we manage to give the baby the best of us and leave very little left over for our partner or ourself).

So here is my solution. Try not to think about resting for the day, skipping chores, or other excuses not to sleep when you can. Rest proactively. Take the nap now, because you don’t know what is coming later.

Yes, this might be the night they sleep through the night (but really, fat chance with a newborn before 3 or 4 months). But it also might be the night you have heard other moms talk about where you are up 7 times breastfeeding and soothing a crying baby. Or, like one mama shared today, your baby wakes at midnight and ‘hangs out’ until 3 am wanting to ‘play’ with you!

So think in terms of prepping for what is to come. Don’t feel like you had to have a ‘bad night’ before you take your nap. Nap with the plans that tonight might really suck, and you need all the rest you can get to manage how hard it might be. And if it isn’t, just be thankful that you got a little bonus of sleep in the sleep deprived world of new motherhood.

And don’t worry about the chores. Other people can help you with chores. No one can help you rest.

There you have it. Proactive napping. Now go take one…

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This week Katie Miller from Baby Boot Camp came to visit moms group and shared about the most beloved workout bra for nursing and postpartum moms. I just had to share it with you guys too!

Obviously larger, heavier breasts require more support. But leave it to the women who use them every day, there is a big difference between an average  jog bra and a one of these. Mainly, lack of bouncing and pain, and having the ability to nurse without squeezing all the sweaty layers off first, but there are more.

Title Nine in the Pearl has long been a great resource for postpartum moms resuming exercise. Here is their most recommended sports bra.

http://www.titlenine.com/product/310184.do Here is the link for Title Nine Sports, which lucky for PDXers is right in the Pearl (however for everyone else they also have a great catalog). They have many other good bras that mothers have recommended to me for years (they are rated in barbells, and evidently there is a 5 barbell bra too!) but this one I keep hearing about, so I just had to share it.

Baby Boot Camp is a stroller fitness workout where you bring baby (or babies) along while you do cardio and muscle building. It is butt-kicking workout, and you don’t have to pay for childcare as the babies just go bustling along with you. You don’t have to have a fancy stroller to do it, but I do recommend that getting a good jog bra will make a big difference!

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Hum bau: Little sweet/savory meat pies all baked and ready to eat one handed while nursing or soothing your infant!

I know many of you already know a lot about doulas. Either you have had a postpartum doula serve you or perhaps you are one yourself! (Or perhaps you have wished upon a star for a doula or retroactively heard about doulas and wished they could have served you back when your baby was born!)

But did you know that in addition to mama nurturing and baby juggling (ok, not really juggling) that they also cook? I have this really amazing team, and I am so grateful that they share their time both with ABC and our clients. (If  you have tasted something made with love by your doula, you will likely get more out of this post…)

I covered this week for one of our overnight doulas while she was out of town camping with her kids, and while I was there I got a little insight into what she has been cooking for this family. I knew there has been chicken enchiladas, tortilla soup and quiche before, but this week they told me she made Spanakopita. With Filo dough. Layers. Butter. The whole shebang. (In the middle of the night!) All of a sudden I had the feeling that the bar had been raised and I wasn’t sure I could reach it…

So I made apple crisp, which is actually pretty good and very healthy with all the goodies I sneak in there, but it is sure not Spanikopita. All I could content myself with was that the babies were really happy and let me cook long enough to make the house smell nice.

But today I got another chance. I got to fill in for another one of my wonderful cooking doulas (I have several) and I was presented with a new challenge. This mama  had recently discovered blood in her baby’s stool, and thinks baby is sensitive to dairy in her diet. So out with all the milk products–and have you noticed that almost EVERYTHING has dairy in it???

Oh yeah, and she hasn’t been able to grocery shop since she found out, and even her bread and crackers contain milk products.

And that’s not the kicker. The biggest thing is that I have several hours to cook while baby naps, and what is in her produce drawer is one large carrot and 2 tiny patty pan squash. And parsley. Yep, that was the whole produce drawer.

So, you ask, what did I make? Well…I should be modest, but I just can’t. Not with Spanakopita breathing down my neck…

I took the carrot and various pantry items and made lettuce wraps(lettuce coming home later via the daddy). Then I took half the filling and made hum bau (buns of sweet dough baked around a savory filling) so mama could grab one quickly and eat one-handed while breastfeeding.

And the final piece was a batch of fresh pita so mama had some bread she could actually eat without dairy or a trip to the grocery store with a tiny infant in tow.

So take that Spanakopita! That is what you can do with a carrot and two baby squash and 3 hours to cook. Hopefully the bar won’t be reset by another one of my doulas next week, or I might be in for another day in the kitchen trying to outsmart an almost empty produce drawer…

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I have neglected my blog, I agree…and I am sorry. But the past week has been a reconnection with family, and a little bit of time enjoying some peaceful time outside camping with the kids. Thought you might want to enjoy the view from our campground.

The beautiful green of the lawn rolling into this quiet pond was a restful sight for this commuter's eyes.

 My grandma lived across from this campground when I was young, back when my grandpa was alive and they would have us over to ride horses and play in the sandbox. I had seen this pond years ago and the memory was still there as we pulled up into the Lyden KOA this past weekend.

Don’t know if you can tell this about me, but I am Dutch. At least half, anyway. My dad came from this quaint town where the lawns are edged and trim and GREEN. And perfect (well, most of them). And that is how they take care of their things. And their parks. This was no exception.

I mention this because even though this sight was not new, it hadn’t changed much since I saw it as a child. It was such a peaceful thing to behold as we stepped back in time, and the kids rode the paddle boats without any requests to watch TV or ‘play computer’ that we routinely get at home. They were engaged in their boating adventure, even on this tiny pond on the outskirts of a charming Dutch town.

I just read an article about how catching up on sleep on the weekends can ease your lack of sleep during the work week and bring you health and mental clarity. (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/7921117/Lying-in-at-the-weekend-boosts-your-brain-power-study-shows.html)

It affirmed my belief that a sabbath rest is really a good thing (although sabbath days differ for different families) and a trip that is sabbath to regular working life can do some of the same good for health and mental clarity.

Watching my kids enjoy being outside for days on end, enjoy simplicities like paddle boating and flashlight tag, and the simply joy of shared company was really refreshing.  So….all that to say, I skipped doing the blog this past week!

Sorry, babies were actually not on my mind for a time (a short time) but they will be back on center stage going forward Monday morning. And the commute begins…

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 Today am saddened by hearing that yet another sling company is going out of business because their products resembled something that was recalled earlier this spring. As much as I want safety for our babies, I also want truthful product advertising, and not fearful avoidance of really good products because they ‘might’ be used unsafely.

As I taught a new family how to tuck their new babe into a wrap today (see below for a demo of this style) I realized just how useful carriers of this type are to parents, and how much I rely on them to get things done in my doula life (and earlier in my newborn parenting life). It disappoints me that so many are not having the benefit of several wonderful carriers because the businesses could not withstand the shake-up of a few unsafe models that needed to be recalled (and sling makers have asked for this recall for many years, long before there was a reported death).

There are many blogs out there covering the recent sling deaths, ensuing recalls, and aftermath. I won’t go into all of it here. I just didn’t realize the far reaching consequences of widespread public panic over sling use. And it is a shame.

Babies have been worn safely for centuries. If there were unsafe practices with tying your infant onto your body, we wouldn’t have developed all the techniques we have for allowing parents to have their arms free while still supporting their children. We may have lost some of this working knowledge, but it has been a growing movement in the past decade, and we all expected it to continue. I am so sad that instead of this recall empowering parents to buy the safety approved slings, it has caused them to avoid some great products, to the point that companies are scaling back or closing up shop all together.

I am glad that several of my favorite products are still available and selling (like the water wrap here–clearly a safe option). I just would prefer to see a bump in the road–not a complete roadblock–of sling makers as we all strive to make things that are helpful to parents AND safe for babies.

My heart goes out to the small business owners who make some fine products that are no longer available to us as doulas and parents. May your life find new opportunities to help and support families with newborns. And we will be scouring the resale shops for your great products, perhaps for years to come.

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New baby on day 1. Notice the puffy face, with the eye ointment? Its as if she is saying, "I'm not waking up if I can't see my mama!"

How much does a newborn eat? Obviously that answer varies depending on the age of the baby, the size, and the amount of milk we have available. But something that might surprise you (at least it surprised me after teaching breastfeeding classes for the past 8 years).

The conference I attended yesterday with Molly Pessl explored the newest study on how much infants receive on the first day of life. It revealed that the total for the first 24 hours is only about 15 mls. Yep, 15. Not 150 (like we might offer if the baby was formula feeding), just 15. And it seems that it doesn’t matter if the infant feeds 15 times that day, or only 3, the amount is still the same. Interesting…

So when I hold up that shooter marble in breastfeeding class to tell new parents about the size of the infant’s tummy at birth, I will now be able to emphasize that it only needs to be ‘filled’ about 2-3 times. Since the tummy can only hold about 5-7 mls, really just a few drops offered several times, or a few longer feedings will suffice.

Does that take the pressure off the first day of feeding for anyone?

Remember that just having the baby skin to skin is beneficial (if not crucial) to infant behavior as well as stimulating for the milk process.

So get those babies on the mamas (or daddies or partners if mama isn’t available) and then get them near the breast. Follow their lead, and don’t worry so much about the intake on day 1. Day 2 will follow with a lot more interest in the breast, and hopefully a nurse will teach you hand expression to get the baby more colostrum if there is any need for supplementation.

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Today I attended a breastfeeding conference put on by the beloved Molly Pessl. I learned so much, as I usually do at her workshops, but today I wanted to share one particular truth that might be helpful to some of you.

Molly reported that according to one study, up to 62% of moms who thought they were dealing with a yeast infection in their nipples or breasts, actually had staph infection. Shocking, but evidently true.

So if you are one of those that has treated your ‘yeast’ and it isn’t going away, consider treating for something different. I am not sure if going to your OB, your LC, the baby’s Pediatrician, or a dermatologist would be the recommended route, but I would certainly check with your practitioner to see if there is a way to consider this as you solve this often painful and irritating problem.

And if you want to learn from Molly, there are still spots open for tomorrow’s conference at OHSU! Use this link to register for this inexpensive (yet valuable!) offering.

Don't let sore nipples ruin your breastfeeding plan! It's not always yeast...

http://www.ohsu.edu/xd/health/services/doernbecher/healthcare-professionals/best-practice-managing-early.cfm

The conference is free to OHSU employees and very low cost to anyone else ($50 or less) and there is space tomorrow. Last minute sign ups welcomed.

And remember to use your CSI skills if you are having a hard to solve breastfeeding problem. There are usually clues there, but sometimes you have to look beyond the obvious. Don’t be afraid to be persistent until you find the answer you need. Many moms have found that traditional treatments don’t work to solve their problem, and that they had to advocate for themselves to find their solution. Be one of them (if needed!).

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Have I told you how much I love the FLY Lady? She doesn’t have anything to do with flies, she just goes by that name online. It stands for Finally Loving Yourself, and she runs a website that many of my mamas love. www.flylady.com

Sharing a website that you might be surprised how much you like!

Here is a bit from her site:

Do you feel overwhelmed, overextended, and overdrawn?
Hopeless and you don’t know where to start?
Don’t worry friend, we’ve been there, too…

The moms in moms group tell me that with gentle words, she encourages mamas to get just a bit done at at time to chip away at the chaos that can become our stay at home lives sometimes. Now some of you are so organized, you would never need encouragement…but then there are the rest of us.

When you have worked outside the home all your adult  life, and don’t know what 3 months off for maternity leave will feel like, you usually can’t imagine even the absence of your job very well, let alone life with a baby. If you have made the decision to quit your job and stay at home full time, the transition can even be bigger, and the loss of identity can seem huge.

Enter the FLY Lady. She takes you from doing a sink shine at night so a clean sink greets you in the morning, to getting yourself dressed to your shoes (hair and makeup included) before you start your day AT HOME. Yep, truly. She has you dressing for your day because it makes you feel better about YOU. And the mamas say it works.

Now I am not one who usually gets excited about housecleaning. But I am one that knows when you are missing the lovely structure of a working life while deciding to be at home with your little one(s), adding in a bit of structure can make you feel a little less overwhelmed. Try it. And then tell me what you think of the FLY Lady.

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Here are the 5 boxes we shipped yesterday from St V's to Denver for milk processing, and the tower that represents the 74 gallons we have shipped in the past year!

August 3 during World Breastfeeding Week was a special event for us. We held a milk drive at St Vincent’s (where I volunteer and run the donor depot program) and we had a record of 5 mothers donating that day.

All totaled, we collected 1100 oz, which is over 8 1/2 gallons of breastmilk! Pretty remarkable. Several of the donors were repeat donors, which meant they only had to pull up to the curb and donate without having to get out of the car! Two dads even came by with their wife’s milk  in bags and boxes.

The staff at the Lactation Clinic also built us this tower of milk cartons to illustrate the 74 gallons we have shipped to date since we opened the bank in Sept 2009. We are very proud to be a part of building a processing facility locally and also providing milk that our area hospitals have available to them for their NICU’s.

I will talk more about the benefits of donor milk in future posts, but I just wanted to give you all the results of our planning and work!

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I just watched my husband take my daughter to the pool, and watching them, tiny hand in huge one, it reminded me of how far they have come. And how far I have come in trusting him to parent her.
I was a stay at home mom for my first child, but knew I would have to go back to work soon with the second. I assumed I would do a better job of sharing our daughter than I had my son, and my husband would be the ‘mama’ while I was at work. Not very close to the reality we experienced. He was actually her daddy, right from the beginning.
I can’t tell you how many times mamas come to mom’s group upset about their husband or partner and their relationship to the baby. Either daddy doesn’t have all the soothing tricks down, or baby is always fussy when they are around, or baby just seems to always want the mama only; either way the consensus is that daddy just isn’t THE ONE.

Daddies experiencing newborn life are adjusting too! Sometimes it just takes them a bit longer...

But my experience has taught me that fathering is different than mothering in so many ways, and that we as mothers need to recognize this and value it. My husband has said it took him months to bond with our babies, but it wasn’t that he didn’t love them, it just took some time for him to enjoy them! What he provides them with are things that mothering (at least my brand of mothering) just doesn’t offer.
As a father he does these things that I would never do. He takes them to Home Depot (and let’s them climb on the lumbar piles…I never allow that!). He takes them to the park and lets them work in the sand for hours (even though he gets bored out of his mind some days). He even acts out various stories in the living room (with elaborate sets, including couches on their sides and piles of cushions to jump into off our counter–not something a mama would think of regularly).

Just as daddies may not quite make the mark as mommies, we need to remember that mommies don’t make the mark as daddies either. Each role (however defined in your family) is valuable and not necessarily interchangeable. So, just a reminder that fathers may not ‘get it’ in the early weeks, but they certainly come through in the long run.

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