Why is this baby so much harder than we thought?
“We thought we were getting better at this…but it is getting worse!”
The phone rings. A new parent tries to hold their composure while I hear a baby crying in the background. They tell me they thought they had it all down, and then it just stopped working all of a sudden. Their baby is crying so much more, and they can't figure out why. They are trying everything, and wondering what is wrong. Some of them even cry, telling me how powerless they feel.
And then they blame themselves, wondering what they are doing wrong to feel like such a failure with this baby. It's a story I have heard over and over. But there is an answer, and it's all about knowing their crying patterns, reading your baby, and knowing what to expect.
Did you know babies were going to get harder, not easier, after the first weeks? Most parents go into this expecting the hardest part to be in the first couple days or weeks, but did you know babies actually get harder between 4-8 weeks? Almost ALL babies do this!
See that dotted line? That is Wessels criteria, meaning when a baby cries more than 3 hours a day. We often define this as colic…and either way, it is miserable for you and for your baby.
The crying curve is based on the work of Dr. T Berry Brazelton and Dr. Ron Barr. It demonstrates the amount of crying that is expected over the first few months of a baby’s life. This image above is just a graphic, but you can find a chart that summarizes the findings on http://purplecrying.info/sub-pages/crying/why-does-my-baby-cry-so-much.php.
There are many theories as to why babies do this, but the main thing I wanted to share is how common this is and that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Other than making that baby, really…it isn't you. You aren't somehow failing this baby. It just happens.
The good news is that you can plan for it, and steel yourself for the harder weeks!
Stay tuned for more information on the crying curve and how you can minimize it, soothe your baby, and still get sleep (and like each other) through the process.
You can read more here and here about fussy babies at this age and how to cope as well. I’ve been on this journey to help parents for decades, and I hope some of the things I have learned will help you too.